first love

reminscing is the best way to beat yourself up in the place where it will hurt the most - the heart. photographs and memories, yet to be burned and forgotten. unfortunate tears shed for reasons that don't even apply anymore. it's been a months and yet i still don't have the guts to get up and leave. i still create possiblities in my mind - possible futures, fantasies of ways he'd come back. but a fantasy can only go to far, it's time to face the reality. it's time to face the music.

i gave him complete and total adoration and i deserve it back. i want it from him, but i want so many things. then again, a want is different from a need and i am still determining what he is - is he a want or a neccessity?

so little to say, but so much time despite my empty mouth, the words are in my mind. please wear the face, the one where you smile because you lighten up my heart when i start to cry.

forgive me first love, but i'm tired. i need to get away, to feel again. try to understand why. don't get so close to change my mind, please wipe that look out of your eyes. it's bribing me, to doubt myself, it's simply tiring.

this love has dried up and stayed behind. and if i stay, i'll be alive then choke on words i'd always hide. excuse me first love, but we're through. i need to taste the kiss of someone new.